When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
Siren's Song
Sunday, August 31, 2003
I went to check out the clubbing scene along Mohammed Sultan Road last night, and tried out "bar top dancing"! *grins* It's really not that bad... nothing sleazy or unsuitable for daughters or sons. Dancing's dancing, it doesn't matter where you dance. People dance on raised platforms (or mini-stages on the dancefloor, if you like), on table-tops, everywhere. Bar top dancing's simply a few girls being invited to dance on a raised spot, or "bar" behind the deejays.
The dance crowd in Singapore's really not much different from those elsewhere. I can't say I've seen much, because I've only started clubbing in Melbourne. In my humble opinion, the only thing truly less liberal about Singaporeans compared to other crowds is what they do AFTER clubbing. In Melbourne, to put it in a very crude way, people club to hook up with the opposite sex and get laid, no joke. Also, you less of PDA a.k.a. "Public Display of Affection" here, which is not so much of a bad thing. "Liberal" ang mohs have no qualms about having sex on the dance floor; kissing and getting really sticky like Siamese twins are considered the norm in clubs. I think that is what's "liberal" about them, not bar top dancing. The word "liberal" when applied to bar top dancing's grossly misplaced.
Even if he did walk out of my heart, it doesn't mean that anyone can walk in and take over his place. I loved him, and I love him still. To be my friend, and yet tell me I'm looked upon as "more than a friend", is utter blasphemy to the sanctity of the love shared between him and me. Yes "maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die, and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try", but "no matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over (him), for the part of me that's still alive, believes (he loves) me too." It's silly, I know. It's futile, I know too. But I love him and I love him and I love him. My floodgates of emotions were opened for him, and there's no turning back. I don't care if things can never be the same even if I went back to Melbourne. He'll always be my Buffalo, my Big Tree, my all. My heart is NOT vacant.
You would think by now, I would know my way around,
I shouldn't miss you so badly, I should be on familiar ground.
How many more lonely years, must meander by,
until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry. What manner of iron will, must some people possess,
to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.
Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand,
they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.
Perhaps I'm only homesick, for all the joys that once were mine,
I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time.
But I know that deep within my heart, there's a place where only you reside,
and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows that is where I hide. So if sometimes it seems to you, I'm clinging to the past,
it's mostly because I can't yet accept, that our love didn't last. No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you,
for the part of me that's still alive, believes you love me too. Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,
and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.
And what a splendid day that will be, when I awaken to discover,
I'm happily learning a great new land, with a great new friend and lover.
